Me: I have every faith in the world that God is going to heal me, because he’s going to. It’s just not the right time yet. I do believe, and I know it deep in my heart, so I simply do not worry. I just don’t…like ever. Sure, I learn and read up on stuff, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust him. I just know that I know that I know that the Lord has a bigger plan.

Them: You don’t think that he might not heal you, Michelle? I’m not saying he can’t, because I believe that he can, but I believe he can use you in spite of healing you. Maybe he has a plan for you, while you are sick, because of your outlook or something else.

Me: Yes, you’re right, but I believe he’s going to heal me, as in completely and miraculously. You just wait and see. I do believe God can use every circumstance for good, though, of course.

Them: That’s such a great attitude to have, but I just want you to know that it’s ok to be angry at God sometimes, and if he never heals you, it’s ok to have those feelings and be upset. That’s normal to feel.

I felt God’s spirit gently whisper to me, “Maybe you’re not normal.” God took my mind back to 2007, where I knelt at an altar and the Lord clearly revealed to me that I would be a missionary someday. I’ve never forgotten that moment, because it was a true calling. I still don’t know exactly what it means, but I also don’t have to know. I feel that I already am a missionary in my everyday life, at work, and in so many other relationships. I trust the Lord and he really does light my path each day. Today is all I need to know. Just today.

This whole conversation left me thinking that I guess I don’t understand. Why should I doubt God? Why should I not believe, and believe fully that he is the only option for my healing? I don’t really want to live life giving God outs. He doesn’t need them, because he is everything. He is the healer and author of my life. He doesn’t need my excuses and backup plans, and I have nothing to lose by believing in God! Nothing.

Trust, I beg of you. Trust God with your life and stop doubting! I get really passionate about this…because I believe doubting will suck the joy out of your life and steal the Lord’s blessings that he intended for good!