Maybe you’re struggling or in a hard spot right now in your marriage and you don’t want to make it work, or feel like giving up. Or, maybe you’re not desperate at all, and are in a great relationship. If so, thank God for it and do all that you can to maintain it and encourage others who aren’t there yet. Maybe you’re an in-betweener and your marriage just feels stagnant. It’s not bad, but it’s not great either, and every day you’re just getting by, not really enjoying or cherishing your time with your spouse like you know that you could. No matter which scenario you find yourself in, please allow me to encourage your heart today!

If it’s true that God gave marriage as a gift to Adam and Eve in Genesis, it’s also true then that marriage is not just for our convenience. For the sake of explaining my thoughts completely, I’m going to compare marriage to a really beautiful tall tree. So original, right? If anyone has a tall, beautiful tree in their yard, chances are, it was planted and has received lots of care over the years to have grown and survived years and years of harsh weather outdoors. To survive hot summers and cold winters, it needed attention, pruning, and water. Just as we would take care of a tree like this, marriage must be given attention and care just the same! We’re going to have some hot summer, cold winters, and some beautiful Spring and Fall seasons in between. I believe it’s true that marriage is for our enjoyment, but it’s also something we are highly responsible for maintaining, watering, pruning, and growing. It’s beautiful when it is well maintained, but left uncontrolled it can grow weeds and start to die. It takes hard work to keep it looking nice, to work through disagreements, and be there for each other–even when we don’t feel like it. Even trees that are beginning to show signs of weakness can be revived pretty easily with some water and a little TLC. Your situation is not too far gone, it’s not lost, and there’s plenty that you can do to begin seeing your tree begin to grow again!

There’s no time for selfishness in marriage, is there? There is barely enough time in most of our days for anything but rushing out the door on time, getting dressed, or eating dinner together, but let me tell you, what you definitely shouldn’t have time for is selfishness. Life is already full, isn’t it? Although as humans we spend plenty of time trying to fit into our own agendas, we need to take a look at what God says about marriage in his Word and take his advice seriously if we ever hope to truly have a healthy, growing marriage. Listen, I’m preaching to myself here too friends. Genesis 2:20 says,

He (Adam) gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a women from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “The one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.'” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Marriage is about our commitment to one other person. Just one. God gave us marriage as a true gift, and marriage is about taking responsibility for each other’s welfare and loving each other above all others. All. Others. That includes yourself. You’re always going to have opinions, you may have other people speaking into your life or weighing in, but ultimately we need to remember that God gave us this person, this gift to us, our best friend, to live life with, make decisions with, and ultimately love, protect, and support above any other person. It’s important that we don’t take this for granted, talk badly about the other person, or leave them to fend for themselves as their spouse. After all, we are one, so if you want to talk bad about them, you may as well talk badly of yourself. I’ve found myself here before on accident, and I was never sure how I even got there, except that I just veered off the path a little too far. I found myself complaining about Jonathan here or there, or wishing he would do this or that, simply because of my own selfish desires. It wasn’t that he did anything wrong, because he didn’t. It was that I was having a bad day, a hopeful wish for perfection in every situation, to anticipate that I needed the dishwasher unloaded, or know that the car needed gas, which is completely unrealistic and so awful to subject someone that I love so very much to live with! I was expecting him to read my mind, do everything in it, and then kiss me and make me breakfast. I mean really, it’s not all that far off. What in the world? When I really began to pray about this, my mindset changed to, “How can I serve my husband today?” It’s funny how all the silly “requirements” to be happy just fall to the side and I couldn’t even kind of make excuses for my bad attitude and my selfish thoughts. Instead I spend the day thanking God for the wonderful man he gave me, because Jonathan is definitely that! Let’s change our thoughts.

Even after Adam and Even sinned in the garden, their eyes were opened and they felt awkward about being naked. So let’s talk about that, because it’s kind of the odd little point to throw in, isn’t it? Whenever God mentions things like this, I like to stop and pay attention, because there’s always a reason. Wasn’t it just a few minutes earlier that they had been walking around naked with no shame, just like toddlers running through the house on a Saturday morning with Cheerios all over their face? They aren’t aware of their nakedness, so they have no shame. Before Adam and Eve, we were like this, living without shame. But once we experienced sin, we became aware of shame and awkwardness in our lives. We don’t need anyone to tell us when we’re acting selfish, because we know it in our conscience and our hearts. We know when we’re wrong and we’re being stubborn and won’t give up the stupid fight. We know when we’re being manipulative just to get our own way, and in doing all of these things, we are choosing (very much choosing) to put up barriers between us and our spouse. God doesn’t want us to hide from emotional, spiritual, or intellectual closeness with our spouse, which usually ends in a breakdown of physical intimacy, right? When we fail to express or expose our true thoughts, feelings, and secrets to God, we cut our closeness with him and with our spouse, and choose to live behind these really high walls, all alone. But once all is exposed in the light, true relationship can happen. Just like this is true with God, it’s true in marriage. If we ever hope for a strong, intimate marriage, it can only be built on honest, intimacy, trust in all three areas–spiritual closeness, intellectual closeness, and emotional closeness.

Let’s live at a higher standard and ask God to help us get there! I’m going to challenge you to spend some time this week thinking about how you can water your tree, take care of it, prune some branches in yourself, water the roots, and pray for wisdom in your marriage. We all have ways we can grow in our own situations, and God will reveal his plans for your marriage if you ask him! Marriage is a choice, and by choosing your spouse, you have agreed to love them forever. I’ll be praying for all of my readers this week, as we trust God together to show us how we can be a stronger spouse this week, and love them as we would love and appreciate any gift ever given by God!

Michelle