When I remember one year ago today, it rocks my world. It was about this time, 1:55pm, that I was sitting in my office, working on…work stuff…when I got a phone call from my doctor, telling me that I had Multiple Sclerosis. First of all, doctors, don’t call patients with this news. Moving on. All I remember from that day was walking into Jonathan’s office, closing the door, and then just standing there in silence as the tears began to flow like Niagra Falls. I continued to explode my thoughts on him, and I said between enormous sobs, “Tell me it’s not true. Please don’t leave me. I love you. I’m so sorry you’re stuck with me. Why me? Why?! Please tell me it’s a mistake. What have I done to deserve this? Hold me, Jonathan. I don’t know what this means, but they said it was advanced. Am I going to die? Hold me. I’m so sorry it’s me!”

Jonathan stopped me, grabbed my face, and looked into my eyes, “Michelle, Michelle, listen. Just listen. I chose you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are going to be fine, and who cares if it’s true. Why would you ever say I’m going to leave you? How insulting. Just stop. I married you because I love you, and I’m here with you through everything! It will be ok, Michelle. Do you hear me. God knows all things, and it will be ok.”

I felt like someone had called to deliver a death sentence that day, and I was not acting rationally whatsoever. It’s kind of embarrassing looking back, but that was real life. I’m glad I have that moment stuck in my memory, as I think back to one year ago and how dramatically different my life and my perspective is today! What a blessing to remember the depths I was in to see the great heights  that my God has brought me to! I am his, and he is mine. Proverbs 24:10 says,

If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small.

Simply put, this year God taught me strength, and he did it by putting me through a spiritual bootcamp that I would not trade for anything. It was a hard year back in February, and ok…March, and April, and May…and I buckled under the pressure sometimes. But a year later, I can tell you confidently that I trust God in all things. How this looks for me will be completely different than how it looks for you, but I God speaks to each of us in his own time, and his own way, to help us along when our strength is too small. A year ago, I was scared to go to sleep, fearing I would die before I woke up. Today, if a doctor tells me that I might lose my eyesight eventually, I think to myself, “That’s an interesting opinion. But he doesn’t know my God.” and I move on. I don’t have the time, quite literally, to write down every small detail God has worked out for me this last year, but it’s a list of about 2,000 things or more, each one, playing on the others. It’s as if he wrote this symphony of notes to my life, composing each note to be put in it’s exact place, to play the most beautiful masterpiece you’ve ever heard. That’s how life has gone. I have better friendships, deeper faith, better opportunities, a more thankful and dependent heart, a more selfless view, and have grown in God’s strength. Psalm 83:6-7 says,

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.

There’s the word again! Stronger. Are you sensing a theme? It’s so clear to me that God is making me stronger, in every way. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. And this was my year of refreshing springs. It started as my valley of weeping, but has been transformed by God to a valley of refreshing springs. Praise be to God my Father, who daily bears my burdens.

Thanks for listening and reading my blog. I’m blessed to call you friend.

-Michelle